Black Mail Envy

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And feel even FREER -- especially Tubby minions-- to envymail us at blackmail@blackenvy.com with envious thoughts, Conbarb anecdotes, site reactors, or even poems-- that's right, POEMS (as long as they shamelessly curry favour by mentioning blackenvy.com). All missives will naturally be anonimised before we use them.

No prizes will be awarded, but you'll be the ENVY your three hundred closest friends when you brag to them that YOU'VE MADE IT into the infamous ranks of BLACKMAILERS on blackenvy.com.

I just found your webpage and love it!!!!! The first time that I saw the man (Black) speak I could not believe the dribble that came out of his mouth. I liken him to a trailer park dweller who happens to have access to a large bank account, a thesaurus, and a wife with a plastic surgeon.

Years ago I did a financial analysis of Hollinger. The entire operation in 1993 was built on a pyramid of debt. I predicted that by 1995 it could not even pay the interest on its debt. Fortunately for Hollinger, interest rates went down contrary to all predictions, thereby allowing it to not only pay off the interest, but justify its acquisitions. Today, the business world looks at it and Mr. Black, as leaders, when in reality they were gamblers which just happened to be situated at the right historical time.

On another note, what is the deal with Mr. Black's wife's writing, is she just dictating into a tape recorder? Sometimes it seems incomprehensible. Could the liposuction have affected her thought patterns? Just thinking.

Thanks to Frank I logged on to your website. Congratulations! It's about time someone exposed that egotistical, anti-social greedhead for the puffed up anal aperture that he is. It's amazing that he can still confuse the use of sesquipedalian verbiage with intelligence. Black ain't beautiful.

I'm one of a group of "disgruntled left-wing activists" (according to the Toronto Star) here in Port Hope Ontario who have started their own paper in opposition/competition to Connie's Port Hope Evening Guide. You may have heard of us -althought not in The National Post- since Farly Mowat is one of our members and we've received a modicum of attention from that part of the national press that's still able to speak.

Our paper is called The Town Crier and was born out of frustration with the sudden and horrifying decline in the Guide brought on by a Black-head named Kevin Klein. Citizen Klein all but killed the 121 year old Guide in less than 2 years of type-A personality management and attention deficit disorder ad sales. He's gone and the next phase - the soft and fuzzies - have moved in. Fasten your seat belts and please obey the no-smoking sign.

Anyway, here's what I need: did Conrad Black say "If you don't like it, start you're own paper"? If so, when and in what context and in what publication was he quoted? We're desperately seeking a motto a la "The subject who is truly loyal to the Chief Magistrate...etc...etc" and I happen to like the idea of Conrad's own words coming back and biting him on the ass...

(Blackenvy replies: Unfortunately, we don't have any direct quotes of Conrad saying "start your own paper." However, the National Post Editorial on March 1, 1999 phrases it thusly: "So, our message... is: If you want to determine editorial policy, start a newspaper."

This editorial was concerning DAVID Black (no relation but kindred spirit) who owns a chain of community weekly newspapers in BC and recently decreed that all of his papers editorially oppose the Nisga'a native land claims treaty.)

With reference to Hong Kong Trade Development Council we know that your esteemed company is interest in buying garments from Hong Kong and write to you with wish to get start our business relationship.

We are window's company of top fine garments company in China and are specialised in high quality of all type of knitwear, pants and shirts. Our products export to all over the world, for quota and non-quota items.

Actually we do have strong fabric suppliers and own factory, so it enable us to offer very competitive prices and high quality for our clients. In addition we have many stock lot such as pants, jackets at very cheap price.

Keep up the good work, I really enjoy your website. I, along with all my co-workers are in the process of re-negotiating a contract with the Conrad Black Southam chain.

We too are in danger of being blacksized, so we want to show how proud we are by displaying your screensavers at work.

I'm old enough to remember when the Dominion grocery store chain was number one in Canada. As I recall, Conrad was calling the shots when Dominion's fortunes started to slide, and, indeed got so bad that they were raiding the employee pension fund to pay down debt and the matter went to court. At least I think that's how things unfolded.

I wish I could tell you more. This episode is pretty telling about the great Conzilla as is the story of how he scooped Argus Corp. from two elderly widows for a fraction of its value. Has anyone at Blackenvy researched these two Conjobs?

I always wondered why people were scared of those old Blackula movies......... it takes a while to sink in. When I saw the bride I immediately understood the really scary part.

Went to Blackenvy.com today after a long hiatus and found it more amusing than ever. There is no technological utopia, but it's phenomenal how you've taken a web site and socked it to Conzilla.

An acquaintance of mine is going out with Ken Whyte's assistant. Whyte was the former editrix of Saturday Night and is now at the helm of the National Postie Note (you know all this...).

News from the centre of Gotham is that Babs Amiel goes through an executive assistant every month or so. Anyway, your web address has been sent to the anals of downsizing, though I'm sure they've seen it.

The site is really funny...congratulations again. I wondered if you missed the Frank magazine coverage late last year of the extensive renovations to Babs' and Tubby's marital home--apparently Tubby is having a domed, brick meditation chamber added at the front of the already substantial house --- I'm not making this up. As a a colleague of mine said "it's probably to help Conrad get in touch with his inner pig".

The best part of the Frank story though was the evidence that the Blacks owned a backyard trampoline. Babs on the trampoline? Conrad springing about? Truly terrifying thoughts that the weak-spirited can't allow themselves to contemplate for too long.

I also feel that Mr. Black and especially his lovely wife, Barbara do not get the credit they deserve.

When I moved to Vancouver a year ago from Toronto, I did not know anyone out here. Mr. Black and his corporate associates were kind enough to call me every day and try to get me to buy his papers. It gave me something to do. It was therapeutic, I got to scream at people who worked in an office getting paid practically nothing to call people and be abused by them. It kept away the lonliness and isolation. I think we should deify Mr. Black.

I did tell all these people who worked for KONRAD, who didn't even know who they were working for, that I would buy one of his newspapers the day I saw KONRAD and BARBARA standing at the corner of Main and Hastings asking for spare change. They have that to look forward to, I do hope they invest in the global market and it does it's final nose dive soon!

What really concerns me is the fact that the local grocery store around the corner actually SOLD OUT of his new national newspaper yesterday. I thought people in this neighbourhood were more politically astute than that. Don't buy that shit! It's bad for your health.

Keep up the good work, I really enjoy your website. I, along with all my co-workers are in the process of re-negotiating a contract with the Conrad Black Southam chain.

We too are in danger of being blacksized, so we want to show how proud we are by displaying your screensavers at work.

re: connie..
I work at a paper in Winnipeg that is the last and largest (besides the Globe) of the Thomson chain in Canada. The Lord Thomson has been the "boss from hell", but compared to Black he's a regular sweetheart. Rumors abound that when our Union contract expires in September 1999 the sale of the paper to Black will happen, and let me tell you, we are NOT looking forward to that. The only solace we have is that...wait a minute...we have none. All we can do it wait and worry.

Why am I receiving Black envy e-mail? Where did you get my e-mail address? Is there some kind of list out there that is targetting people like me? Have I been Blacklisted?

an often disgruntled reporter/photographer/slave for dough
a local newspaper
subsidiary of Sterling News
subsidiary of Hollinger International
subsidiary of Conrad's Empire

wish I cost him as much as the management keeps saying we all cost... (advertising: revenue. Black. good. editorial: business expense. red. bad. Maybe that's why he think's we're all Communists - he looks at us and sees red.)

Okay, here's a little paranoia for you - please don't put this out there with my name on it until I've paid off my student loans. In other words, give me a decade to get a head start.

What a great website! I work for a Black newspaper and think it's absolutely appropriate that you let Black speak for himself. His arrogance and megalomania shines through. Thought you would enjoy a story about one of the newspapers he owns. It seems that one of his minions, SJ who has been credited with putting the word CHEAP in Sterling decided he would impress his boss with further cost cutting measures.

I'm certain SJ stayed awake nights trying to think up imaginative ways to impress Conrad.... known by his many employees as 'Tubby'. Seems SJ decided to put newspaper roll ends in the bathroom for employees to wipe their hands on. Some wiseacre then hung rope and posted a sign telling the poor working grunts that from there on out they must ONLY use four squares of paper and were required to hang those squares to dry so that they might be recycled. By the way SJ also keeps the toilet paper locked up so employees must request toilet paper when it runs out.

This comes on the heels of offering 0-0-0-0-1 during recent negotiations with several of papers.

Thanks again for the site. I'm sure Black's employees will enjoy it when I pass it on to them - and I intend to give everyone I can the address.

Great website. I am a union rep and bargain with Condrad Black's Southam and Sterling chains. -- No I don't own a ski resort, and don't know any newspaper union officer who did in the last 35 years.

Your website will be a marvellous resource to all the Conrad employees who are suffering from Black Envy -- and I will make sure they all have the e-mail address.

SHADES OF BLACK
Song by Fallout

Move over Lord Beaverbrook (we salute you, mighty Colossus)
One paper was all it took (we salute you, mighty Colossus)
Like William Randolph Hearst (we salute you, mighty Colossus)
He just can't quench that thirst (we salute you, mighty Colossus)

He's building an empire of paper and ink
He want's to make it harder for you to think
It's getting tough to distinguish opinion from fact
When all you ever get are Shades of Black

Spreading news across our vast nation (we salute you, mighty Colossus)
He's the czar of information (we salute you, mighty Colossus)
A cleancut thug with lots of loot (we salute you, mighty Colossus)
He's Darth Vader in a business suit (we salute you, mighty Colossus)

He's building an empire of paper and ink
He want's to make it harder for you to think
It's getting tough to distinguish opinion from fact
When all you ever get are Shades of Black

Rolling like a steam roller, spreading like a cancer
Selling bias disguised as truth, he's got the answer
Ah, ain't he smart!

He's building an empire of paper and ink
He want's to make it harder for you to think
It's getting tough to distinguish opinion from fact
When all you ever get are Shades of Black

17.11.98

the guy from computerworld is here
a sheepish wink and nod
C rushing off to the sales meeting
from which i've been banned
good-humourdly
(they need me!)
because i said the data in one
of our reports was gathered by
Skinnerites, Pavlovian
deep trance behaviourists with a completely
scientific, objective approach to questions like:
"Does your supervisor "play favourites"
(give special privileges to those who
don't seem to need them)?

All terms are defined to assure the utmost accuracy!

but i went in and rolled my eyes and said i couldnt'
in good conscience recommend selling this
shit to anyone, couldn't blow smoke up
anyone's ass

Banned!
Left to worry over my
sorry plight, laughing out loud at
www.blackenvy.com

congratulations. what a wonderfully canadian thing to have done. i'm going to recommend the site to some of the us residents i know as an example of just how important humour and satire are to canadian political, dare i say, civil, life.

I love your site. Thank you so much for putting some of the fine words of Barbara and Conrad out there for the rest of us to read anytime we need reassurance that all is RIGHT with the world.

I once made a map of the world and highlighted all the towns and cities that had Black owned newspapers. I also made a population map so that we could see the number of people in a given area who had access to his papers. This map is now hopelessly out of date - it was about 3 or 4 years ago that I did this. I would be really nice to see a similar map on your page. Maybe you should add a world map - complete with little stick pins - just like a war map - so we can see how far the empire extends. When I showed my map and figures in class (for example: 100% of the population of some major cities only have access to a Black owned daily) it made the point quite nicely. A nice visual aid is good for those of us who are unable to grasp the full meaning and import of words because our brains have been fried by all the leftist propaganda we were subjected to in university.

I work at a paper in Winnipeg that is the last and largest (besides the Globe) of the Thomson chain in Canada. The Lord Thomson has been the "boss from hell", but compared to Black he's a regular sweetheart. Rumors abound that when our Union contract expires in September 1999 the sale of the paper to Black will happen, and let me tell you, we are NOT looking forward to that. The only solace we have is that...wait a minute...we have none. All we can do it wait and worry.

IT would be interesting to see if your ideas were discussed in public forums. They seem to reflect more class than social concerns which is one way to conceive oneself (Conrad Black) as a master. It might also be the most limitating one, because the great value of people who really have something intelligent and valuable to say open the doors of reflexion, not really closing them like it appears in this bad web site that always leave me a bad after taste. Anyway, this is the last time that I will find myself wasting my time reading your absurdities.

N.B. Hope people you'll not be so corrupt and mishonnest. The Blacks are the worst public speakers of Canada. A web site will not change that. Right Wing fascist and so ignorant. Sad to see for people who could leave us alone with their arrogant comment on the marginalized class.

Kudos to you for bravely treading forth to spread the wit and great wisdom of the Blacks. In a society as hostile, and downright dangerous, for successful capitalists like Mr. Black, he needs all the help he can to spread his word to the unwashed masses. Too few have access to his tiny, underfunded chain of newpapers, too few understand that capitalism and freedom are under constant siege by our governments and "economic Communists" like Bob Rae.

I play in a band called Fallout here in Toronto, and we too try to fight the good fight with our song 'Shades of Black'. We will definitely be adding a link to your site on ours www.tao.ca/~fallout.

Love your Website! We are indeed fortunate to have a press baron so pompous, thin-skinned and reactionary as to invite such satirical skewering. If he didn't exist, we'd have to invent him!

perhaps you would like to check out another satirical site I have been working on with friends ("who's left") called the hilary chonicles (i.e Hilary Weston). Its at www.interlog.com/~hilaryw (not our own .com address yet - we have no money).

I would like to work a blackenvy.com link into the Hilary site's "Club" pages where the bad guys hang out. Hope that's OK with all of you at gmedia.

I read about your site on www.voir.ca but it is in french. They had an interesting text about this magnate and I can say that they made me aware of the power that this man's got. I feel that it is almost desperate when a guy like that has 60 (!) newspapers in a country that only has 105 ones.

Anyway, I just saw that my newspaper (Le Soleil) is under Conrad's boot since a while so I guess I'll try to read something a bit more leftist in the future...

We have just been searching THE WEBSITE ! WOW ! The sharp edge of satire is being used to great advantage.

The format as well as the content has kept us going for ages. Many of of our friends have been advised of the hilarity.

Well what a wonderful research tool for trade unionists. We're enjoying it immensely. And just in time for Hallowe'en. What could be more appropriate.

Get a load of this- Conrad Black supporters on the net, trying to help 'disadvantaged Canadians' get access to his views!

As I write this... the messages you sent is wending its way via the net to the Canadian Association of Journalists listserve.....

ahahahahaa!!! Guerilla Media strikes again! beautiful. did ya check the site? it's hilarious... all the nastiest, most perfidious quotes of the asshole... and in his own words. brilliant. nice going, GM!

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